Percy Jackson and the Designer Dilemna
by Lady Kiekyo
Summary: Just when you thought the gods couldn't get any crazier...
1. We're Celebrating Aphrodite's Birthday

Percy Jackson and the Designer Dilemna

Summary : Just something I cooked up. I don't feel too good about this but that's what reviews are for, right?

Disclaimer: If I owned it, it wouldn't be that good. 'nuff said.

Genres: Humour/Adventure

Characters: Percy J., Annabeth C.

Setting: Post TLO but without taking TLH into consideration and also assuming that Katie Gardner is alive, because Tratie? Best couple ever.

My name is Percy Jackson and I'm the son of Poseidon, Greek god of the sea. Sounds crazy? You haven't heard the half of it. By the time my sixteenth birthday rolled around I'd fought the Minotaur, stolen the golden fleece from the Cyclops Polyphemus, held up the sky, made it through a labyrinth and fulfilled a great prophecy which, if left unfulfilled, just might have resulted in the end of the world.

So you see, when Chiron walked (or should I say rode?) up to the pavilion after dinner and said he had an announcement to make, I wasn't really worried. Been there, done that. What monsters do I need to fight this time?

As it turned out though, I was wrong to be so nonchalant. Very wrong. What was about to happen was going to be far worse than anything I had faced so far. It was something with the ability to destroy the very essence of Olympus. Something that could start a catastrophic war among the gods.

Something, in other words, that I was supposed to fix.

It all started with the announcement that night…

Chiron clip-clopped up to the pavilion with a frown on his face, interrupting the sing-along much to the chagrin of Will Solace who'd cooked up a few songs specially for Apollo. Grumbling and muttering, the cabin moved off and made space for Chiron.

The centaur trotted up to the centre and beamed at them. "Well, as all of you know, Valentine's Day is only a week away." He paused, aware that the campers would have plenty to say about that. He wasn't disappointed.

The Ares cabin, loudest of all booed, while the Demeters looked like they'd just found weeds in their garden. The Poseidon cabin, consisting solely of Percy, went "Shit!". He obviously didn't have anything for Annabeth. Will Solace forgot his sing-along and flashed a couple of smiles at the Aphrodite girls. The Athena cabin, Annabeth included, looked scornful and if Percy had had the sense to glance over at them, he would have realized that there was no need to bribe Connor and Travis Stoll into getting something for him. The Hermes kids in question were planning Valentine's Day pranks though Travis was also thinking about a certain daughter of Demeter.

The ruckus died down only when Mr. D went, "Oi, brats, shut up! You'd think my sister's birthday was actually worth celebrating," he added, going back to his Diet Coke. The camper's heads swilled back to Chiron like pendulums.

The activities' director cleared his throat. "Well, yes. Valentine's Day is indeed Aphrodite's birthday. As a birthday present to herself, she inspired St. Valentine to rebel against the Emperor and cried buckets while watching his execution from Mt. Olympus. She claims she had no idea it would snowball into what it is today."

"And what exactly does this mean to us?," Katie Gardner asked in the manner of one holding a bomb set to blow at any second.

"Well, ever since it became a worldwide festival, Aphrodite insisted that it be celebrated at Camp half-blood. After great opposition from Ares, Hephaestus, Demeter and three of their children who now reside in the demigod hall of fame,"- the Aphrodite girls looked a little annoyed by this-"she agreed that Camp half-blood would only celebrate it once every ten years. And the time has come again."

"Couldn't we just not celebrate it?," one of the Demeter campers asked tentatively. The daughters of Aphrodite shot her a look that guaranteed she would never be able to wear high heels while within 10 feet of any of them. Not that she seemed like the kind of person who would wear high heels.

Chiron sighed in response to her question. "We tried that once at the behest of a son of Ares."- Clarisse looked like she would like to put up a picture of _that_ demigod in her hall of fame- "but it took us the succeeding ten years to scrape the pink paint off the ground. We would still be at it, except for the fact that Poseidon took pity on us and flooded the camp with turpentine-saturated sea-water. So, I'm afraid not celebrating it is out."

A collective sigh went up from some parts of the camp. Chiron cleared his throat again. "There's more," he said. "Most of you must have heard of the clothing designer Hermés. They have a new Valentine's Day clothing line and they want the Delphi Strawberry Service to try it out."

"Why," Clariss asked, probably voicing something that had been in the minds of all the campers.

"I'm not entirely sure," Chiron said. "Which is why I want a meeting of the cabin councilors, right now."

**You see that little button down there? It's begging you to click on it and type something. Even flames are welcome. My school chemistry Lab is out of gas. **


	2. The Pythagorean Theorem was Problem 6

**This chapter is dedicated to speedyteeny for reviewing, favoriting and alerting the story and being the first to do any of the three. Thank you for keeping me going. :)**

**Thanks also to my other wonderful reviewers: larkgrace and Annabelle 4.0****.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, it wouldn't be that good. 'nuff said. **

Percy POV:

Annabeth vanished towards the Big House so fast I almost didn't see her. She's always first to reach the cabin counsellor meetings. The Hermes kids challenged her once and she made it there before them. How she does it, I will never know. It's extra weird because in a normal flat race half the Aphrodite girls can beat her without breaking a sweat. You could say running isn't exactly one of Annabeth's fortes. Not to her face though or you'll find her dagger embedded in your abdomen before you can say 'slowpoke'.

Normally, I try to get as much girlfriend time a possible but I never bother when going to cabin counsellor meetings. I didn't this time either. Drifting back and letting the others get ahead suited me better.

Consequently, I was the last to reach the Big House. I was about to step through when I noticed the Stolls and Jake Mason staring at me intently. I frowned a bit and did a quick teeth check. No tofu hanging off. I decided the Stolls were just being their usual selves and had somehow infected Jake with their weirdness virus and stepped forward. Big mistake.

Even as my feet touched the floor of the room, wooden blocks jutted out at me from different directions. Each held a hundred celestial bronze weapons, the pointy ends poking my chest. I sighed. They'd been doing this for ages now, the Stolls. Jumping me at every corner, saying they were testing my invincibility for my own benefit so I would know my limits. Yeah, right.

Chiron had long grown tired of telling them that he had already explained the limits (which were practically none, I might add) to me and that all they were doing was risking hitting my Achille's spot. And now they'd roped in the Hephaestus Cabin. Wonderful.

"Travis, Connor, kindly disable the swords so Percy can join us," Chiron ordered from the other side of the room. The Hermes twins sighed and nodded to Jake Mason. He hit a button on a remote and the swords drew back. I wasn't hurt but I had _another_ T-shirt to bin.

As I sat down, Will leaned forward and inspected my chest through the ripped shirt. "You've really saved us a lot of bandages, Percy," he grinned, sitting back in his seat. Considering the number of times I've ended up wounded from quests, I suppose he was right. Annabeth smiled at me from across the table. My heart flipped over. Twice. Yeah, that's how awesome she is.

Chiron cleared his throat to draw our attention. "Now that we're all here, I suppose you might as well find out why I called this meeting."

"So, it's not just about the clothes?," Annabeth (my girlfriend!) said.

"Well, yes and no. I think I'd better let Rachel explain," Chiron said. A fine mist sprouted up and Rachel Elizabeth Dare a.k.a the Oracle of Delphi and my former almost-girlfriend appeared.

"Rachel here had a prophecy and a pretty important one too," Chiron said. I raised a hand and interrupted before Rachel could explain. "Was the Pythagorean Theorem problem two?"

Rachel frowned. "No, Percy, it was problem six. Though that's not what the prophecy is about."

"Chiron _said_ it was important."

"It is but it's not that important."

Chiron whinnied and stamped the floor. "I'm glad you think so Rachel," he snorted. Chiron and sarcasm. Who knew?

Annabeth (did I mention she was my girlfriend?) decided to get things together before they got out of hand. "So what was the prophecy Rachel?"

Simple, direct, no beating around the bush. Got everyone back to the main point. See how awesome she is? Oh, and she's my girlfriend.

"I don't remember any of this of course but my dad was around and apparently wrote it down the moment I got started," Rachel told us. She took a deep breath and said-

**Bum, bum, bum. Cliffhanger! And before you start thinking I'm extremely cruel, let me tell you that my prophecy poetry is a garbled mess. I was planning on ending this chapter with it but it needs a lot of work. Chapter three as soon as it's done. **

**As always, the little button below begs you.**


	3. 50 off at Sak's

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, it wouldn't be that good. 'nuff said. **

**This chapter is dedicated to my brother for giving me most of the ideas in this chapter. If you don't like it, blame him. :D**

**A big thank you to my reviewers…actually make that reviewer: larkgrace**

**And my favoriters: speedyteeny, ****r0si3e, giraffe13 and ashKITTYKAT77**

**And can't forget the alerters: TheJazzyDolphin, speedyteeny, Happy13Goth, giraffe13, DivisionHead, chocolate rules333, bookworm0326, Athena786 aaaaaannnnnnnnnndddd 00CoralStar00.**

The Oracle of Delphi took a deep breath and recited in a solemn voice

"_The robe of the boar three shall find  
Chaos and destruction shall be outlined.  
It's 50% off at Sak's you see  
Don't let such a wonderful opportunity go free."_

We all stared at her, shock registering on each and every face. Then Drew squealed. "Fifty percent off at Saks? Really?"

Rachel frowned at her. "No," she said in that patronizing voice of hers. "The sale's at Prada."

Even Drew could recognize that much sarcasm. She glared at Rachel and then turned to Chiron. "And _she_ is our Oracle? I can_not_ believe that. "

Rachel held out her hands in a mysterious manner and said in her best spook voice, "By the order of Phoebus Apollo, Lord of the Silver Bow, the non-believer shall be put to death. "Everyone except Drew laughed. Even Annabeth though she usually doesn't like Rachel's jokes. I can never understand why.

Drew threw up her hands in despair. "Di immortales, I can't live with this."

"Go die then like she suggested," Annabeth snapped back. For a second I thought Drew was going to hit her but she caught a glance from Chiron and sat down in her seat quietly.

"Rachel, can we have the real prophecy now please?" he asked.

She started again.

"_The robe of the boar three shall find  
Chaos and destruction-"_

"That's what you just said!" Will interjected.

"Those are the first lines of the real Prophecy too dumbhead!" Rachel shot back.

Chiron held his head in his hands. "Will everyone please let Rachel finish?"

"Oh, like it's my fault she gave us a fake Prophecy earlier," Will grumbled. Chiron shot him another glare and he zipped his lips. It was new, this glaring thing. Chiron had never done it earlier. But I'd seen enough of his victim's reactions to know that it was something to avoid.

Rachel sighed. "Can I continue now or do some more idiots want to interrupt." Nobody did. "Here we go then," said Rachel.

"_Robe of the boar, three shall find  
Chaos and destruction shall be outlined  
Demigods do not fain to reveal  
Secrets to plunge the world into oatmeal."_

"Oatmeal?" I asked. "Oatmeal sucks." Annabeth sighed in that way she does when I don't understand stuff. "That's the whole idea, Seaweed Brain. It's a euphemism for all things bad."

"If you ask me, I think it's the Oracle having an off-day with poetry," Will Solace commented. "It's almost as bad as my dad's limericks." Those of us who had met the sun god shuddered. Me and Annabeth prominent among them.

"So, someone needs to go on a quest, that much is clear," Katie said. "The question is, who?"

"Oh, that's clear too," Rachel said. "The morning after I gave the Prophecy I painted a picture of an owl, a half-eaten can and a clump of seaweed. And we all know who that means," she added looking at me.

Everyone except me laughed. "Seriously, Rachel? Seaweed?" I asked her. She had the sensitivity to look a little contrite. "Well, actually, no. It was a wave. So it's either you or Poseidon who's supposed to go on the quest. Personally my bet's on you."

I smiled too this time but I had a feeling dad wouldn't have found it so funny. "Grover, Annabeth and me. Just like the good old days, huh Chiron?"

Chiron winced. "I don't even want to think about what could have happened on that quest," he said with a groan. "Or about what did happen either. I'm almost scared to send you guys on this quest."

"Sorry Chiron, you don't have a choice," Rachel grinned. "The painting was pretty clear."

"Did it tell you whose quest it's supposed to be?" Annabeth asked.

Rachel smiled mysteriously. "Yup."

"So whose is it?" I asked feeling like I already knew the answer.

She told us.

I was right.

**Any guesses? I'm sure most of you must have figured it out. Chocolate chip cookies for answering. **


	4. Grover's Running for President Maybe

**Nobody got the answer. *grins evilly* Tell me what you think guys. **

**Thanks as always to my reviewers, favoriters and alerters. I'm sorry I wasn't able to put up a list but you all know who you are. Group hug!**

**This chapter isn't that funny but I'm OK with that since it's kind of just an interlude really. The real action starts **_**next**_** chapter.**

**And I almost forgot this. Disclaimer: If I owned it, it wouldn't be that good. 'nuff said. **

"You're kidding me."

The shock on Grover's face was insane. He had so not seen that coming. "I- I got a quest?" he said. "Yup," I said, grinning. "You got a quest."

"I got a quest," Grover repeated, sitting down dazedly. "I'm leading a quest. I'm actually leading a quest. An honest to gods quest. "Holy Zeus! A quest!" My grin just kept getting wider and wider. Annabeth was more understanding. "You're a Lord of the Wild, Chosen one of Pan. What are you so astonished for? I thought you'd be happy."

"I _am_ happy," Grover insisted. "Just really surprised is all. Especially because it's you two with me on the quest. Destroyer of Kronos, Reconstructor of Olympus, and I lead the quest?"

"Yes, Grover, the bravest satyr on Earth is leading the quest," I said. No really. I _did_ say it. It wasn't Annabeth. I swear. And she looked pretty impressed too. Since I was getting sappy, there was literally nothing to stop our conversation from degenerating into utter cheesiness but the moment was saved by Juniper. She came rushing out from the trees and hugged Grover.

"Grover! I heard! You got a quest! This is so great. Now you'll have more confidence when running for President," she squealed while still holding onto him so hard I thought his ribs might break.

"I thought you were kidding about the President thing," Grover said looking at her warily. Juniper laughed. "Of course I was silly," she said. "Come on. I haven't seen you for ages. Let's go into the woods. Bye guys," she added to Annabeth and me as they disappeared.

Annabeth grabbed my arm. "Come on," she said. "Let's go take a walk on the beach." My heart started doing cartwheels as I smiled at her. Slipping my arm around her waist, I took her to my favorite place at camp, i.e, the beach. According to Will, the sunset over the sea that day was beautiful. I was right there by the sea but I can honestly tell you that I have no idea what it looked like.

As Connor and Travis Stoll so succinctly put it to Will when he asked me how I could have not seen it- I was too busy eating Annabeth's face. The Hermes kids woke up to find their cabin flooded the next morning. Just a little goodbye gift from yours truly. Connor hasn't forgiven me yet but Travis says it helped him get Katie so I suppose he's OK with it.

The next morning the three of us assembled on half-blood hill with backpacks equipped for the quest. Chiron clip clopped up to us with Mr.D behind him and smiled weakly. "Argus will drive you," he said with a small shudder. "Just like the first time…"

"Oh, don't worry Chiron, nothing bad will happen," Mr.D said cheerily. "The brats may die but that's about it. The next great Prophecy isn't going to be for a few years yet. Apollo promised."

"That's very reassuring," Chiron said sarcastically and then turned to us. "Take care all of you. Keep out of trouble, save the world, you know the drill. Argus is waiting."

"Uh, Chiron," I asked. "Where exactly are we going?"

Chiron smile grew weaker. "Didn't you listen to the Prophecy, Percy? 'Robe of the Boar, three shall find.' I personally haven't heard of any robes associated with it but it seems pretty obvious that you need to find the Erymanthian Boar."

Grover fainted on the spot. I didn't blame him. We'd encountered the boar before, used it for transportation even but I was extremely reluctant to encounter it again. Especially as this time, it would not be a gift from Pan.

"So where do we find the boar?" Annabeth asked Chiron while I summoned up some water from the ground to revive Grover.

"I don't know," Chiron admitted. "But I know someone who does."

"Who?" I asked as Grover groggily got to his feet.

"Annabeth knows," Chiron said but Annabeth only looked confused.

"Oh come on girl! You've read the myths," Mr. D said. "Some daughter of Athena you are if you can't figure it out."

Annabeth's face had that look it always does when she finally figures it out. "Oh! Pholus, of course!"

I remembered the name vaguely. "Wasn't he the centaur guy who helped Hercules?" I said uncertainly. Chiron looked pleased.

"Very good Percy," he said as though we were in a classroom again and he was about to give me an A. "He is one of the few centaurs who didn't come to fight that day. Can't blame him, the poor guy. The gods gave him prolonged life but that's not the same as immortality. I hear he's getting cranky in his old age."

"Um, Chiron, this Pholus isn't like the other centaurs who came to fight, right?" I asked.

"No Percy, he's not," Chiron said but something in his expression warned me.

"So that's a good thing right?" I asked warily. Chiron only smiled his weak smile and looked rather like a sad puppy. I wanted to ask him more but Annabeth dragged me away to the car.

So? Reviews please.


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